'One-Liners'

Not quite worthy of an entire blog,

these 'one-liners' have earned

a special place in my heart.

5/8/10 - In Las Vegas at the MGM:

Hillary: "Look at those tigers!"

Me: "Hill, those are lions. Tigers have stripes."


6/7/10 - Watching David Tutera create a casino-style wedding:

April: What's that Nicole Kidman movie where they are in the circus?

Me: No idea... Google it...

April: You know, with Uwen Mc.. Macgreg...

Me: Oh, Moulin Rouge? They were prositutes...


6-25-10 - Sent to me in a forward containing real answers 16-year-olds gave on the GSE Examination:

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink?

A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?

A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.


11/16/10 - Upon telling Hillary that I was moving to Italy:

"What?! How are you going to do that? Wait... Do they speak English there?"

Me: "No, Hill. They speak Italian."